Spew

Week in Review

MATT DRISCOLL: A LOOK AT THE WEEK THAT WAS >>>

After taking last weekend off, which I can only assume didn’t cause anyone out in the Blogosphere too much pain, I’m back this week with another edition of Week in Review — the Volcano’s look at the week that was.

In case you’re not entirely familiar with the format, basically the gist of Week in Review is simple. Every Saturday morning, in between cups of coffee and trips outside for cigarettes, I sit in front of the computer and offer an almost entirely flippant review of what happened this week.

This week is no different. Enjoy.

Notes from the Weekly Volcano News Desk

WEEKLY VOLCANO NEWS TEAM: MORE HAIR THAN BRAINS >>>

In between downing Monster Energy Drinks and refreshing our spray tans, the Weekly Volcano News Team has been following some exciting headlines from around the country. Here's a look at what we've been pointlessly yammering about around the Weekly Volcano water cooler:

Cat food: some say it's worth stabbing your father over

It's wilder in Alaska: more proof

Whistling: think twice in England

Low prices: with a bite

Plus, of course, we've been searching the internet for videos like this. We just love it when animals water ski.

Taco Tuesdays suspended

STEPH DEROSA: BROKEN NEWS >>>

Local taco fans mourned this past Tuesday as Taco Tuesdays at Dave’s Meat & Produce were temporarily suspended.  At approximately 1:30 p.m., literally minutes before the Dave’s squad was about to start up the taco shop, Pierce County Health Department made their infamous appearance — thus shutting the famous weekly taco stand down.

What was the PCHD’s beef* with Dave’s?  There’s no hand-washing sink for the food prep guys outside.  They want Dave’s to literally tap into the water line below ground and install a sink out on the sidewalk.

But wait!  Stadium Thriftway does it, so why can’t Dave’s Meat & Produce?  My first answer was that they were close enough to the espresso stand’s sink.  I was wrong.  Stadium Thriftway is apparently “grandfathered in,” according to the Dave’s team.  The people at Dave’s also told me who they speculate might’ve turned them in to the PCHD, but being chocked full of journalistic integrity I’ll let you go in and talk to the guys at Dave’s for yourself.

Dave’s Meat and Produce will hopefully get Taco Tuesdays up and running by next week.  Their plan is to move the taco booth closer to the espresso stand in hopes they will be closer to a damn hand-washing sink.  States Dave’s group of guys, “If that doesn’t work, then we know something’s up – in a bad way,”

* Nice pun, huh?

Train thrill seekers

STEPH DEROSA: BROKEN NEWS >>>

After a sunny mid-morning walk along Ruston Way today Bandito Betty and I decided to quench our hunger and thirst at The Spar. As we relaxed at our favorite back corner table and ordered our beers, a train was pacing a slow crawl through the intersection just outside the window. Soon the train stopped, completely. For about 20 minutes the train stood still, occasionally moving a few feet backwards, then a little forwards. Back and forth, then at a stop ... back and forth, then stop. This went on for a while. We figured the people waiting both in the cars and on the sidewalk were getting really antsy.

Soon our suspicions were confirmed as we witnessed people solving the problem in a most dangerous way. This girl did the (somewhat) smart thing and crawled through the train, unlike the other gutsy walkers who ducked under the train cars. Would you do that?

Soon a speeding Amtrack came blasting past as the other train stood still on the tracks. I don't even want to imagine what could've happened to the train-dodging pedestrians.

For the next five or 10 minutes after the Amtrack passed, the slow train went back and forth a few times, eventually moving on.

This right here folks is news-worthy train coverage. Exciting!

Broken News

STEPH DEROSA: NO RESPECT FOR THOSE WHO RESPECT THE DEAD >>>

Yesterday while I was loitering around my usual hangout, Tuell - McKee Funeral Home on Sixth Avenue, I was alerted to some broken news — literally.

With a flagrant disrespect for a white funeral vans, someone broke a van window in the parking lot of Tuell - Mckee late Tuesday night.  Here you see Jeff, one of the funeral directors, hard at work sweeping out the crushed glass from the front seat of the van.  He informed me that nothing was taken from the vehicle, and that the only thing of value (jumper cables) was left unharmed.

In other news, I noticed a striking similarity between two other vehicles in the funeral home parking lot.

Broken News: Cookies!

STEPH DEROSA: SATELLITE COFFEE UPDATE >>>

For urgent, high priority, broken Tacoma news, you can count on Steph DeRosa to bring it to you.

Today while picking up my brand spankin' new French press and a few gift cards from Pat Brown at Satellite Coffee, he informed me of a recent addition to the shop: Corina Bakery cookies!  That's right folks, the people at Corina have some new help, and are diggin' into expansion via local coffee shop-done-good.

Brown has also informed me that if this good weather we are having today continues, there is a possibility he will begin serving coffee in a G-string.  Further discussion will be had soon regarding the type of music to be played, and how big his tip jar will be.

Add this to the 164 (and counting) reasons I already love Tacoma.

And for those of you who didn't think I could count that high, bite me.

Broken News: He's fresh, exciting

STEPH DEROSA: DAVE GOES TO ALASKA >>>

In approximately one month, Tacoma will see the freshest Alaskan seafood it has ever tasted.  Dave from Dave's Meat & Produce will be changing around those meat cases, making room for some fresh Alaskan crab and seafood.

He is buying directly from the Alaskan fishermen, cutting out all middlemen.  It will be caught in the morning, put on an airplane that afternoon, and picked up at Sea-Tac Airport the very next day by Dave and his cronies.  This is no joke.

Ultimately, Dave has set Tacoma up with a win/win situation.  No middleman means lower costs.  It also means he knows, and you know, exactly when the fish was caught.

[Dave's Meat & Produce, 1312 N. I St., Tacoma, 253.280.9999]

Broken News: Stumptown Coffee

STEPH DEROSA: STUMPTOWN COMES TO WASHINGTON >>>

A surprise visit from Portland's Stumptown Coffee Roasters reps brought Tacoma some good news. I caught up with Stumptowners Matt Lounsbury and Mary Ellen Signer at Satellite Coffee this morning.  Matt thrilled me with the news that a new Stumptown roasting plant would be opening next week, providing Tacoma with coffee roasted possibly only hours before being brewed in your favorite coffee shops. The new roasting facility will be located on Capitol Hill in Seattle on 12th and Madison.  (I suppose if you can't roast in Tacoma or Olympia, Seattle will have to suffice.)

They informed me that right now, as you read this, their "Green Coffee Buyer" is down in Honduras meeting with Marysabel Garcia (owner of Finca El Puente) and picking beans right in the middle of a two week coffee bean harvest.

The beans will be processed the same day they are picked, set to rest for a month, then shipped for roasting in Seattle.

So just think — the next cup of coffee you have from Stumptown could be the best you've ever had.  But don't take my word for it — Go try for yourself.

Broken News: Red Hot thieves

As any smart restaurant establishment should be doing, Chris Trashcan of The Red Hot was anticipating my arrival.

Well, at least for me to arrive an take pics of his toilet for Toilet Tales.

He hung up massive amounts of unique paraphernalia in the restroom which included large tin beer signs, pictures, and a huge felt pennant.  Somehow, within days of it being displayed, the new toilet items disappeared.  Patrons of The Red Hot had actually stolen the decorations, right under Trashcan's nose.

As part of the Tacoma Beer Society, and as Steph DeRosa The Toilet Aficionado, I urge whoever did this to please return the items.  Have a friend do it for you if you are too ashamed, I promise there will be no questions asked.  There will be a reward on my behalf.

In the meantime, The Red Hot has substituted new restroom decor for two new beers.  "Old Chub" Scottish Ale (8 percent alcohol!) and "Dales Pale Ale" (friggen delicious!), both of Oskar Blues Brewery in Lyons, Colo.

These beers will be freshly lactated daily by Jen RedHot herself. — Steph DeRosa

Broken News: Beer Delivery Guy

Beer delivery was apparently on hold for a short time yesterday.  While the Broken News Team lunched at Jimmy Mac's Roadhouse in Federal Way, we saw the culprit sitting in the booth right next to us.  The audacity and selfishness of a person in such an important community role!  What a shame this was to all proud beer drinkers.  The worst part was that he actually sat there and chatted with a friend while eating his lunch.  That's time away from his duties.  Imagine if ambulance drivers were transporting a patient and they just decided, "Oh, gee, I think I'll stop for a bite to eat."  NO!

You have beer to deliver!  Take your job seriously!  We rely on you!

Fortunately there were no reports of bar, tavern, or restaurant closures in the King or Pierce counties. — Steph DeRosa

Our Broken News Team brings you headlines and follow-up whenever we please on the stories our community couldn’t care less about. Broken news is posted on this blog several hours or days after it happens, with unusual updates.