He won’t have a V8

BOBBLE TIKI: HEALTH SUCKS >>>

Bobble Tiki admits it. Seduced by those commercials featuring hot but sensible-looking womenfolk with haircuts straight out of Redbook, he tried a V8 V-Fusion Light. Wow! It was everything Bobble Tiki ever expected from a chilled banana sentenced to life in a soda can. He got halfway through one before the screams of his suddenly health-stricken mitochondria overwhelmed Bobble Tiki with pity.

Needless to say, the V8 can's tenure on Bobble Tiki’s Coffee Table of Most High Esteem was a mercifully brief three minutes — half as long as last week's Pepsi One that met a similar fate. Bobble Tiki banishes you both to Elbe! Bobble Tiki’s ass-bones did not achieve their vast sofa jurisdiction by being selective about calories. Researchers, double your efforts on Gravy Coke!